The Dart Maker Blog

It was my first visit back home in over a year. I’d been in Minnesota for college, and returned home just long enough to marry and move to North Carolina.

I returned with a year old baby, the wife of a medical student, struggling to put food on the table, though at that time in life materials things don’t matter much.

This town I returned to, I had hated. Why? Because we had moved every 3 years, and it had been fine until this time, but it was 3 weeks before high school, and what kid would want to start a new high school of 4,000 not knowing a soul? My Dad infuriated me by acting like he’d done me a favor, and I made it clear to him he had ruined my life. We dug into our positions. “Why did you do this to me?” I bellowed. “You ought to appreciate it,” he said, and told me why, but I didn’t listen. “You’ll appreciate it some day,” he said, finding me beyond reason.

What did I hate? The size of the school, having to compete with Ann-Margret (the movie star) if I wanted to sing in the musical, their Chicago accents, and the crowning blow - my advisor dubbed me “Sue” the first day and I never got rid of it. In fact my favorite thing about going off to college was being able to reclaim my name. If I hadn’t sunk into the victim position, I might have been able to reclaim it sooner!

I hated the gray skies and the freezing winter wind, but I hated spring worse. They released us at spring break to wander the streets in wretched weather with dirty snow everywhere. My family never got to go on a cruise like everyone else’s. But I hated the summers worse because it was never hot enough to get a tan. Not a happy camper, I gathered evidence to substantiate my feelings.

Fast forward to my return to this horrible place. Winnetka is one of the affluent suburbs on the North Shore of Chicago. A planned community nestled on the shores of Lake Michigan, with more Frank Lloyd Wright houses than anywhere else in the nation, it is astoundingly beautiful, a place you dream of living.

With my blinders off and my attitude corrected, I saw it from my Dad’s point of view. He worked hard to give us the best he could, and how proud he must’ve been to move us there. In fact I remember it in his walk as he showed me around the first week there. “It’s the best public high school in the nation,” he told me, and the education I received got me into one of the best liberal arts colleges in the nation.

The crime rate was so low we never locked our doors. Everything was a short drive away, and there was always parking. There was everything Chicago has to offer - the art museum where I spent many a Saturday, recently voted best in the nation. Parks within walking distance which they froze in the winter for skating.

As I drove through the village, the sun slanted through the trees on either side of the wide road that arched overhead. “You can’t tell me people don’t think about future generations,” my Dad often said. “Someone planted all those trees who never lived to see them.”

“This is the most beautiful place on earth,” I mused to myself, astounded at my earlier perceptions and attitude. Could this really be that “horrible place”? As a parent, I could only dream of providing such for my own child some day. Most of all I was stunned at what I had missed, in my retelling of this terrible place. Once I had closed my mind, I hadn’t let any fact intrude. I had had plenty of good times there - how could you not - but in the retelling, you wouldn’t have known it.

I went over in my mind what I had then that I had no more - I had taken for granted and devalued a lake in the back yard with boating as well as beauty, nationally acclaimed museums and cultural events, convenience, service people who knew you by name, the best public education possible at the time, nice people, and safety.

I had the inklings of a lesson … how your attitude effects your perceptions and your thoughts affect your emotions. But it took a few more rounds because moving is difficult. You wonder if there will be friends, and all the unknowns.

My husband and I continued the family tradition of moving every 3 years. By the 2nd move it had finally sunk in that there’s beauty everywhere, something to appreciate that you’ll miss like hell when you leave and may never see again in your life, and nice people everywhere. If they call you something you don’t like, you “just say no,” and you get used to the weird accents.

When we left Durham and moved to Cincinnati, I missed the cozy town, the ocean, and the lovely parks, but I gained a cul-de-sac that was like a kibbutz for my only child, great restaurants, and the opportunities of a big city. It was the gloomy snow belt again, but there wasn’t mold in the back of the closets. It’s always a tradeoff.

Back we went to Durham, then on to San Antonio, Texas. When we got to San Antonio, I missed the colorful four seasons, and getting anywhere in 5 minutes, but rejoiced in the sunshine, the plethora of restaurants, and the muliticultural influence. The first tornado warning scared me, and the rattlesnakes, scorpions and tarantulas were unnerving, but I remembered how I’d adjusted to the mold on the back of closets in Durham and the slugs on the back porch, no less unnerving. I was learning to cope with change, and handle transitions.

I realized the things I’d missed, and so learned to approach the next move with optimism, to seek and find and appreciate the good in it, and to enjoy it every day. In fact I’d immediately start a mental list of “things I’m gonna miss a lot one day” to stay focused on the positive, enhance my enjoyment, to bloom where planted.

I should add that my mother complained the entire time she lived in Winnetka, which is no doubt where I learned that attitude. I was lucky to get the lesson in my face so young. Right now I’d love to have had the life she had then, as far as the location was concerned, but of course it wasn’t the place that pained her, it was the pain inside her that made the place unbearable. It was just easier to blame it on the place than to do the work on the pain inside.

You see, moving doesn’t really solve anything if you’re miserable, because you take you with you. It’s cleaning up the place inside you that allows you to find the best wherever you are and find the good wherever you are - and that, of course, it figurative as well as literal.

P.S. I appreciate it, Dad.

Furniture. What would we do without it? Sit on the floor most likely. Whoever invented furniture did mankind a great service. And it has so many uses.

For starters, there’s the furniture we use for our work. There are more kinds of furniture for work purposes than we probably need. But then again, maybe we do.

Take your standard desk. Well, maybe not so standard. There are many kinds of desks. Desks with drawers, desks without drawers, which are primarily made simply to keep stuff on. What kind of stuff? All kinds. Printers, computers, fax machines, telephones, and the list goes on and on. Of course desks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There are rectangular desks, square desks, oval or circular desks which are used mostly for those company meetings. There are big desks that can span half a room and small desks that can fit in the corner. Then of course your have your L shaped desks so that you and a co worker can work together without getting in each other’s way.

Of course no office furniture would be complete without chairs. There are plenty of those to choose from as well, some more comfortable than others. You’ve got your hard chairs with absolutely NO padding whatsoever. Basically they’re a couple of legs, hard wooden seat and hard wooden back. Kind of like the chairs your school teacher would put you in and stick you in a corner with when you were bad. But then there are the really NICE office chairs. You know the ones I mean. They have steel tripod supports, leather seat and back, swivel around and so comfortable you could fall asleep in them. Somewhere in between you have your felt foam seat chairs with felt foam backs. They’re not as comfortable but you can sit in them for an 8 hour day.

Then you have your carts. These are mostly used for your Mr. Coffee that sits in the corner of the room so that you can get your caffeine fix when you need it. No office would be complete without a cart of some kind. The good thing about them is that they’re small enough not to get in the way and big enough to do the job.

Then of course there are the filing cabinets. Have you ever seen an office that didn’t have a filing cabinet? These also come in all shapes and sizes. There are the long cabinets usually used for storing irregularly shaped and large documents. Then there are your standard filing cabinets for storing manila folders. Most of these come with special racks inside so you can hang your documents up and not have to worry about them falling all over the place.

Yes, there is a ton of office furniture to choose from and based on the kind of office you have and the kind of decor you want to display to your workers will determine to a great extent what kind of furniture you get.

In the next article we’ll go over furniture for your home.

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Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to Furniture
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Are you lonely?

Did you know that being lonely is a normal part of our everyday lives.

Lets face it, we’ve all been there.

We get depressed when we fail in our exams, when we’re rejected by the person we love, or when someone very close to us passes away.

That’s just part of life.

But, depression, however, can be more fatal than just plain loneliness. It could render Life-Long consequences that could ruin your Self-Esteem, Health, and Well-Being in the process.

Well today is your lucky day because I’m going to share with you some great tips to help you conquer the ‘Melancholy Mood’ so you can get the MOST bliss out of your daily activities.

So, with that said, lets go to Tip #1.

Tip #1. Do you get enough Light and Sunshine?

Did you know that lack of exposure to sunlight is responsible for the secretion of the hormone called Melatonin, which could trigger a dispirited mood and/or a lethargic condition.

Melatonin is only produced in the dark. What it does is it lowers the body temperature and makes you feel sluggish.

So, if you are always cooped up in your room (with the curtains closed), it would be difficult to restrain yourself from staying in bed.

This is the reason why many people suffer from depression much more often in winter than in the other seasons.

It’s simply because the nights are longer.

If you can’t afford to get some sunshine, you can always lighten up your room with brighter lights to help offset the darkness.

Or…

You could go have lunch outside the office for a change and take frequent walks in the early afternoon instead of driving your car over short distances.

The choices are endless. It’s really up to you.

Tip #2. Keep Busy and Get Inspired.

You’ll be more likely to overcome any feeling of depression if you keep your mind busy doing the activities you like doing the most.

Do the things you love.

If you’re a little short on cash, you could engage in simple stuff like taking a leisurely stroll in the park, playing sports, reading books, or engaging in any activity that you have passion for and would love to pursue.

Also, set a Goal.

No matter how difficult or discouraging life can be, remain firm and have an unshakable belief that you are capable of doing anything you desire.

With this kind of positive attitude, you will attain a cheerful disposition to beat the blues.

Tip #3. Take a Break. Sit back and Relax.

I mean it.

Listen to some soothing music you like. Soak in a nice warm bath. Simply take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around doing the things you love.

In other words, go have fun. Life’s to short as it is.

Tip #4. Maintain a healthy diet and Stay Fit.

Avoid foods with lots of Sugar, Caffeine or Alcohol.

Sugar and caffeine may give you a brief moment of energy; but they will later bring about Anxiety, Tension and Internal problems.

Alcohol on the other hand is a depressant. Many people would drink alcohol to simply “forget their problems.”

All they’re doing is aggravating their conditions in the process.

Also, did you know that exercising regularly is a vital depression buster.

Why you ask?

Simply because it allows your body to produce more Endorphins than usual.

Endorphins are sometimes called “the happy chemicals” because of their Stress-Reducing and Happiness-Inducing properties.

Tip #5. Get a Social Life outside of work.

No man is an island. Your inner circle of friends are there to give you moral support.

Spending time and engaging in worthwhile activities with them could give you a very satisfying feeling.

And we all now… nothing feels better than having group support.

And… never underestimate the power of Touch.

What I mean is… doesn’t it feel so good when someone pats you on the back and gives you words of encouragement during your most challenging times?

Hug or embrace someone today.

Get intimate.

Establish close ties with your family and friends.

The love and care expressed by others could tremendously boost your immune system and fend off illnesses.

Best of all, you’ll live a more secured and happy life.

Now go give those 5 Tips a try and see how they pan out for you.

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We all know that it is in one’s highest good to grieve the loss of a relationship. Healthy grief releases feelings rather than allowing them to get stuck in the body. Healthy grief allows the griever to heal the loss and move on with life.

Yet grief is not always healing. Many of us have known people who were stuck in their grief, seemingly locked into the past and unable to move forward in their lives.

What is the difference between those who feel their grief and move on and those who get stuck in it? The difference lies in what they believe they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief will feel unending.

Gary had been in a three-year relationship with Samantha when Samantha decided to end the relationship. Gary was devastated. In this relationship, like in his past relationships, Gary was a taker - always trying to get love but unable to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very lonely with him. Gary was devastated when she left because his source of love was gone. He was not grieving the loss of Samantha as a person he loved. He was grieving the loss of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded child rather than as a loving adult.

As a result, Gary became stuck in his grief. He was stuck in feeling like a victim - stuck in “poor me.” Gary had never done the inner work to develop an adult part of himself that could bring love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Because he was abandoning himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for abandoning him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that plagued him, and a constant inner refrain was, “If only I had……” “If only I had listened to her more, maybe she wouldn’t have left.” If only I had told her how beautiful she is, maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

Frank, on the other hand, was in deep grief over the death of his beloved wife, Beth. He had loved Beth with his whole heart and he missed her terribly. Yet Frank’s grief was totally different than Gary’s grief. Frank missed Beth’s laugh. He missed her joy, her caring for people, her sense of wonder. He missed her as a person, and he missed being able to share his love with her. Frank had no regrets because he had not been a taker. He had loved Beth totally and was deeply grateful for the time he had with her. But Frank was actually fine. His grief came in waves, and he cried when it came. Then it washed through and he was fine again.

Frank was fine because Beth had not been the source of his sense of self. Frank had a strong loving inner adult who was connected with a spiritual source of love and wisdom. This was his Source, not Beth. Frank was a person who took full responsibility for his own pain and joy. He had never made Beth responsible for his feelings or his wellbeing.
Because he had never abandoned himself, he could miss Beth and grieve for her without feeling abandoned, lost, victimized and alone.

Gary, on the other hand, was not fine, no matter how much sadness he released, because Samantha had been his Source of love, his Higher Power. He had handed to her the job of defining his sense of self, so when she left, all he could feel was abandoned. Gary had handed his Inner Child - his feeling self - to Samantha. He had made Samantha responsible for his feelings, so when she left, he felt like an abandoned child. His Source of love had gone away.

Because Frank knew how to love himself, he knew how to love others. Within a couple of years, Frank was in another loving relationship.

Gary found another relationship within six months of losing Samantha, and six months after that was again alone. Until Gary decides to learn to take responsibility for his own feelings and needs, he will likely continue to lose relationship after relationship, and continue to be stuck in feeling like a victim of the women in his life.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author, co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.

To understand employee motivation, we first need to know exactly what it means. The most common definition of motivation states that motivation is the psychological process that gives behavior purpose and direction. It has also been defined as the inner force that drives us to do something.

If a person is to a job and do it good, they need some sort of employee motivation or motivation factor behind it. In most cases it is the responsibility of the boss or supervisor to motivate his or her employees. When employees are motivated they are more likely to enjoy what they do and therefore will produce better result from their work. Therefore, the manager or boss is to motivate the employees then he or she should also be motivated.

It has been found that employee motivation is the key to performance improvement. There are several factors that motivate people to do good work. One of the leading motivating factors in a job is money. Those people who are being paid well for their services are more likely to do better work then those who are not. It has been found in the United States that people who are being underpaid for the work they do are working up the level that they could be. They are too busy thinking about their pay and wishing they were getting more. If they were getting paid for their time and effort then maybe they would be motivated to do better work.

You can also look at employee motivation from a psychological point of view. According to a psychologist named Maslow, there are five different levels to motivation. These levels are based on people’s needs. These needs include, physiological, safety, social, ego, and self- actualizing. Maslow argued that lower level needs had to be satisfied before the next higher level need would motivate employees. There are other psychologists who believe that there are other factors that lead to motivation amongst people. These include, motivators or intrinsic factors, such as achievement and recognition, produce job satisfaction. Hygiene or extrinsic factors, such as pay and job security, produce job dissatisfaction.

James Hunt has spent 15 years as a professional writer and researcher covering stories that cover a whole spectrum of interest.
Read more at http://www.motivation-central.info

In 1965, a chemist working to develop an ulcer drug accidentally discovered a substance 200 times sweeter than sugar. The FDA initially shunned this substance because it caused seizures and brain tumors in lab animals.

In 1981, the FDA allowed this brain tumor and seizure-causing substance to begin both sweetening and poisoning our food supply, pharmaceuticals, and children’s’ vitamins. Banned in children’s products in Europe, the chemical, aspartame, is now a big part of America’s diet craze. This is despite the fact that it accounts for more than 75% of the complaints reported in the FDA’s Adverse Reaction Monitoring system. (http://www.aspartame.ca/page_a3.html and http://www.dorway.com/jwnoasp.html)

Aspartame, once in the body, breaks down into various chemicals. One is the same toxin you get from a fire ant bite. Another is the smelly formaldehyde in which your science teacher stored animals to dissect. Yet another is methanol, the same main ingredient as in Prohibition Era moonshine - the same moonshine that was notorious for causing blindness. How many mothers, who would never think of giving their children moonshine, have stocked their cabinets with any of the now 5,000 products that contain aspartame? (http://www.dorway.com/betty/environ.txt)

For those of us who struggle with anxiety or depression because of low serotonin levels, aspartame is especially bad news. This chemical additive wreaks further havoc by depleting tryptophan levels. Tryptophan is necessary in the production of serotonin. Without it, you will suffer more frequent attacks and more severe depression! (http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/aspartame.htm)

For more information on aspartame and depression and anxiety, visit http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/aspartame.htm.

Heidi Whitaker is an author and speaker on the subject of nutritional support of autoimmune disease. To read more articles by Heidi, vistit: http://autoimmune.myblogsite.com/blog. For information on how you can join one of Heidi’s teleseminars, visit http://www.20again.com/teleseminar2.htm.

When most people hear the words American Indian, visions of warriors on horses, feathers, or an ‘Indian Princess’ dance vividly in their heads. Instead, who they are is a culture of people who traditionally educate their children through oral traditions taught from generation to generation, day-to-day life, and sacred ceremonies that included song, dance and stories told to them by elders and spiritual leaders in the community.

To give you a better look at American Indian life today I will switch my focus over to the Lakota Nation of South Dakota. Home to such leaders like Black Elk, Crazy Horse and Fools Crow, the land in South Dakota on the Pine Ridge reservation is now the place of a people who remain strong in spirit like their warrior ancestors while trying to live in an economically depressed condition where the unemployment rate can be as high as 85% at times. Many Lakota people on the Pine Ridge reservation live in government housing (or worse), while the children there attend boarding schools run by the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

The Bureau of Indian Affairs boarding schools were originally set up to try to civilize the ’savages’. The children were forced to separate from their families and community, while at the same time were forbidden to express themselves through their native culture and language. Changes have been made slowly over more recent years- allowing parental involvement and introducing traditional teachings into the school’s curriculum.

Because of the acts done to the American Indian people like genocide and attempts at taking their culture and traditions away, many generations have suffered emotional, mental, spiritual and physical damage. To the Lakota people these four things alone are important to rearing stable, self-sufficient children who can then go on to live productive lives as adults. The damage done through genocide and the rape of their culture didn’t occur just once, but slowly and over time. From generation to generation they have struggled to live in two worlds- that of their people and the one which they were forced into.

Across the board the rates for depression, suicide, many physical diseases and crime are greater for American Indians than they are for any other race. The rate of suicide among American Indians age 10-14 is almost 4 times higher than it is for young people from other ethnic groups. Being raised by parents and grandparents who have endured the repression of their culture over many years definitely has an effect on the youth in their communities.

Of course there is always free will and the ability for each person to make their own choices regarding how they live their lives, but under such circumstances as these, living with a lack of stability and balance, how can these young people make good choices for themselves? I believe that it cannot be done unless they are given something to stand on- a stable foundation for them to fall back on and begin from.

Because the American Indian culture has always been richly-infused with their teachings and spiritual way of life, many psychologists along with native leaders are coming together to bring back the connections for the youth that they so desperately need. This can foster well-being and help to prevent such mental disorders like depression and suicide among the youth in these communities.

In Porcupine, South Dakota, the Children First Corp. run by Ethleen Iron Cloud Two Dogs, is using mainstream treatments in conjunction with traditional American Indian methods. The inipi (purification ceremony) is a sacred ceremony for purifying the mind, body and spirit. By going through this ceremony it gives them a stronger foundation to start with before problems can arise.

The Lakota naming ceremony is traditionally done when a baby is born. They are given a Lakota name that “anchors them to the earth” and connects them to their culture and their family in a deep way.

For children who have suffered more traumatic events like abuse, their spirit can become damaged and actually leave their body, like a disconnection of sorts. In these cases they would hold a ceremony to call back the spirit so it can re-connect with the mind and body.

People like Ethleen Iron Cloud Two Dogs along with mental health professionals, volunteers and Lakota people are slowly connecting the children back with the traditional ways and it has been shown to pay off in recent years. By giving them instruction in the schools about the history and culture of their people along with the spiritual ceremonies and teachings of generations past, they are infusing the children with the stability that they so desperately need for prospering in today’s world.

Once the children can integrate daily living with native traditions so important to their culture and by getting help and support from the adults in the community by fostering that strong family bond, they can keep their mind, body, emotions and physical self healthy and the rates for depression and suicide among them will lesson greatly.

Lisa Hoskins is a jewelry designer who owns Animal Spirit Jewelry. She has studied animals her whole life and is now blessed from Spirit to be able to create jewelry based upon the spiritual principles revolving around animal totems and guides. You can find her website at http://www.animalspiritjewelry.com

Imagine feeling depressed when the sun shines and the weather is warm. Believe me, it’s actually not as unusual as it sounds. You’ve probably heard of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the form of winter blues, but less common is summer depression, which is said to affect roughly 600,000 people in the UK. For these people, the arrival of summer makes them feel gloomy and fatigued.

I know how they feel. I’m one of them. Though I suffer from depression all year round, I’ve noticed how much worse it gets between the months of March and October, with June, July and August being the most unbearable.

It is April as I write this. It’s been quite a cool month so far but it is due to get warmer during the next few days. Already I am feeling the dread. The only place I can write is in the south-facing living room of my tiny flat. This makes matters worse as I have to keep the curtains drawn to stop the sun attacking me. Yes, it really does feel like that. Too much sunlight seems to drain my energy and I am unable to get on with things, adding to more frustration. It feels like a prison. As well as the curtains drawn against sun and heat, I am usually listening to music with headphones on to block out all noise (and there is a lot where I live - I’ve got neighbours from hell). And as a writer, it’s no surprise that I get the worst case of writer’s block during this time of the year.

I’ve never enjoyed being out in the sun and loathe sunbathing. In fact, I’ve never sunbathed. I don’t see the point. I like my pale skin, thank you very much. And it amazes me really, how others seem to be obsessed with getting a tan and just go on ignoring the warnings about skin cancer. The sun is not your best friend. You’ve got to believe it. Yes, it’s true that you need it in small doses for a bit of vitamin D, but other than that, beware.

If you think about it there is every reason to be depressed in the summer. For a start you see people out having a good time (a better time than you, probably) and if you are already depressed and lonely, it gets you down even more. There are also a lot of weddings in summer, and people do tend to socialize more, so if you’re single you are likely to feel worthless and alone.

But this isn’t my problem. What really bothers me is the heat. It makes me feel irritable and I hate feeling sticky and dirty. And if it’s too hot I sleep badly. In fact, I don’t sleep at all some nights. And then there’s the creepy-crawlies. I tell you, I absolutely detest them. Spiders being my biggest phobia of all. Is it just me, or are they getting bigger? It just makes me afraid to leave the windows open so I feel even more frustrated and upset.

Many people look forward to going somewhere hot for their holidays. Well, not me. I can’t imagine anything more stressful than sweltering in the heat. When I holiday I prefer to go somewhere cool, and for the last few years I’ve been going to Sweden. Now, don’t get me wrong, they do have summers in Sweden, but they are short and not very hot. Even if they are, you don’t seem to notice much as there are large areas of open space and it’s always breezy (especially on the south-west coast where I like to visit).

When autumn arrives I notice that I start to feel so much better. As the nights draw in I feel calmer and more comfortable with life. For me there is nothing better than creating a warm and cosy atmosphere indoors with lots of low lighting and curtains drawn against the cold frosty nights. Autumn has always been my favourite season anyway, and I love the colours and the smells, and the fact that winter is coming (bringing with it some snow, hopefully).

I do love nature and being outdoors, but I would rather go out during the autumn and winter months. What can be more refreshing than a cold bite of wind against the skin? It seems to energize me. And what can be more beautiful than seeing everything covered in a blanket of snow? Another thing that I’ve noticed is that in the winter I can control my depression instead of it controlling me. Maybe that’s the real reason I hate summer.

If you suffer with summer depression here are some ways to help you cope:

Drink lots of water as dehydration leads to more irritation.

Keep cool with an air conditioning or a fan.

Wear cool clothes of natural fibre.

Make sure you have thick curtains that can block out the sunlight.

Wear sunglasses when out in the sun.

Avoid junk food and eat more healthy food such as lean meat, fish, fruit and vegetables. Take vitamins B complex and C. The mineral magnesium is also important as you lose this when you sweat.

Avoid caffeine as it leaves you feeling tired and lethargic. It’s best to avoid alcohol too as it dehydrates you, making you feel even more hot and bothered.

Make sure your bedroom is cool at night by leaving a small window slightly open.

See your GP as he may be able to prescribe some medication to help with your depression.

Marie Seymour is a freelance writer, copy-editor and novelist. She has written articles on writing, music, astrology and health and is currently working on a novel about vampires. She lives in London but dreams of escaping all the pollution, litter and noise to live in the countryside where she can write novels for a living in peace.

http://www.marieseymour.com

http://marie-deepthinker.blogspot.com/

Workplace communication and teamwork are essential to pilots and their crew. When everything is going right workplace communication in the cockpit of an airliner is not so important, but when things start to go wrong it is omnipotent. Consider if you will the perfect flight gone wrong; consider bad weather, heavy traffic, in flight equipment failure and poor visibility.

All these factors add up and make things more difficult. You can ask any NTSB crash scene investigator and they will tell you that aircraft accidents happen through a comedy of errors. It is not just one thing that brings down an airliner or an aircraft and generally workplace communication or cockpit miscommunication plays at least some of the blame.

Workplace communication skills are not just essential to an efficiently run office building. When you’re flying in an aircraft you are playing for keeps and workplace communication is key.

Any military aviator will also tell you the same thing. During the heat of the battle or in a wartime situation communication can also mean life or death.

These professional pilots both in the military and the commercial sector take this very seriously and if you consider this point philosophically you can see how high the stakes are made in workplace communication, which can cost the company money and the destroy the efficiency of the team, when work place communication leads to animosity or miss communication. I certainly hope you will consider this in 2006.

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There is no such thing as a worthless conversation provided you know what to listen for and questions are the breath of life for a conversation. — James Nathan Miller

The shortest distance between two communication points is shared meaning - why are we communicating at all? To listen means to receive the information unfiltered and respond appropriately to the message. The goal of the listener is to get the message. Listen for the intent. Listen for the action. What does the person really want you to know, do or think as a result of the dialogue?

To reach the goal an effective listener must:

1. Attend - Make a conscious decision to listen. Make eye contact and give full attention to the speaker. Concentrate on the message and block out all distractions.

2. Engage - Demonstrate interest and encourage the speaker through verbal and non-verbal cueing. Show an openness toward the speaker and prompt by nodding or saying things like “please continue…” or “go on…”.

3. Suspend - Exercise patience and suspend judgment about what is being said. Don’t try to evaluate whether the speaker is saying the right thing or saying it the right way. Hear the message as it is being delivered and ask for clarification if necessary without accusing, blaming or demanding.

4. Learn - Be open to ideas, views and opinions that may differ from your own. Every conversation is a learning opportunity if you use it gain insight and perspective about the speaker rather than using the speaker’s words to create a platform for your own thoughts.

5. Connect - Check in with the speaker. It allows for building collaboratively toward the message learning along the way. Find the connections to the speaker’s ideas, their intents and most importantly the actions that they want in return. Use questions for clarification to build toward the message.

To build connection the listener should ask about the speaker’s GOAL:

• What are we trying to accomplish?
• How much time do we have (you need) for discussion?
• How quickly do you need a response?
• Can you give me a headline?
• Is there a particular theme that I should listen for?

Ask questions for clarification of the speaker’s INTENT:

• Do you need me simply to listen?
• Would you like my opinion?
• Are you asking for assistance?
• Do you need my agreement?

Ask for clarification of terms or WORDS:

• When you say report do you mean a formal document or a status update?
• You mentioned campaign…is that the marketing or the giving campaign?
• When you said best solution…are you speaking in terms of price or quality?
• When you say Friday do you mean this Friday or next Friday?

Summarize the speaker’s MESSAGE?

• If I understand you correctly…
• You’ve outlined our next steps for the project…
• What I heard you say was…
• To recap the conversation…

Confirm understanding of speaker’s need for ACTION or RESPONSE?

• How would like for me to proceed?
• What would like for me to do with the information?
• What would you like (do you need) me to do or not do?
• My role then would be to…

As you listen with purpose and ask linking rather than leading questions, the answers you receive will signal how close you are to the heart of the speaker’s message and what the speaker wants and needs from you in return.

Valarie is CEO of Think 6 Results — a knowledge broker passionate about learning and improving performance in organizations. She’s a writer, presenter, and executive coach on a mission to get every employee and organization focused on and thinking about the SIX business driving goals that matter.

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Contact Valarie at washington@think6results.com or by calling 630-705-1189. Visit us at http://www.Think6Results.com.