Everyday is a Gift, Open and Enjoy It

Filed under:Spirituality Resources — posted on December 31, 2008 @ 8:55 pm

There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser that I was given when I was ten years old! As you can tell I have pack rat tendencies! For me that pattern started as a young child. I could never bear to throw things away. There was more to it than not wanting to throw things away. I loved the feeling I had when I would receive something new, and would not want to spoil it by using it unless it was for something special. I would want to save it for a special occasion. A new dress would sit in the closet, until a special event to wear it. Perfume would sit on my dresser, not to be used for everyday, but for a special ’something’. This was a pattern in my life for many years.

Perhaps, however, this is not the best perspective to view life. It is reminiscent of the woman on the Titanic, who when was being lowered into the lifeboat said…”If I’d known this was going to happen I would have had that Chocolate Mousse dessert.” It is a view of life that speaks a lie. The belief is that if I enjoy something now, I won’t be able to look forward to anything good like that in the future. This belief steals the joy from living in the present, and also lies about what the future might hold. Often it takes sad or traumatic situation to cause a person to stop and take stock their life’s perspective and lifestyle. For example, let me tell you how it happened for Ruth.

One day, out of the blue, Ruth got one of those devastating ‘phone calls’ that we all dread receiving. Her sister Jane had passed away unexpectedly. Ruth went over to the home to help her brother in law with the sad task of preparation for the funeral. They were in the bedroom deciding on clothes Jane would wear as she was laid to rest. He pulled out of the drawer some beautiful lingerie wrapped in tissue. Ruth gasped as she saw the astronomical cost on the price tag. “Jane bought this in Paris 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. I guess this is it.” he said. It was exquisitely, handmade in silk, with a delicate cobweb of lace .As he slammed the drawer shut he said something that changed Ruth’s life for ever. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion!

After the funeral, Ruth began to evaluate her life from a different perspective. She began to see life as something to be enjoyed not endured. Ruth started to make changes, although small at first, for Ruth they had great significance. She sat in the garden more and didn’t worry about the weeds. She wore expensive perfume on ordinary days, after all co workers and cashiers have noses that function just as well as party goers! She lit that candle that had been sitting as a centre piece on the dining room table collecting dust. She got that cracked window fixed, that she’d been meaning to do for years. She invited those friends round for dinner that she’d seen at the last sixteen weddings, and said we must get together.

Ruth determined that she would live each day as if it was her last. Now every morning when Ruth opens her eyes, she tells herself that this day is special. Every day, every breath, every minute of her life is truly a gift from God.

Your life perspective changes when you start living each day as if it was your last. You start to look at all the things that you want to accomplish in life and actually get started!! You stop watching everyone else doing it. Have the courage to start thinking “It’s my turn now” and do what is in your heart.

Grandma Moses began a painting career at age seventy six. Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969 at age seventy one.Lucy is in her eighties and has in the last two years, been white-water rafting, and hiking in the Himalayas. She is excitedly planning her next trip!

Don’t wait years, or until something traumatic happens to get your attention. Start now to reflect on your life’s perspective and begin living without regrets.

Peter Sage, speaker and entrepreneur said:

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow - What a Ride!”

EzineArticles Expert Author Barbara White

Barbara White is President of Beyond Better Development, which is dedicated to empower people towards excellence in their personal and professional development. The Living Beyond Better website has more
self improvement resources

List of Debt Advice Resources

Filed under:Your Finance Resources — posted on December 30, 2008 @ 9:25 am

List of debt advice resources

The New Year is nearly here and it got me thinking about the likely increase in numbers of regular folk needing help with personal finance issues. I’m thinking debt advice and debt help services here in particular . . . I imagine that many consumers will have over spent in the Christmas period and that a few will wake up with a bit of a financial hangover.

I put together a quick list of useful debt advice resources where where you will be able to find lots of useful debt advice on personal debt and debt management issues. Please note that I’m not endorsing any of these debt advice resources . . . they’re just a list of useful websites I found when researching debt advice myself.

The sites are a mix of commercial, not-for profit and informational resources offering a wide range of help and debt advice with debt management, including debt management plans, free debt management plans and general personal finance advice.

As ever, I’d suggest you use your own judgement when using this debt advice resource list:

PS: from what I understand, the majority of debt advice comes for free from charities & Government bodies. It also appears that a number of debt advice companies will also offer free debt advice in the first instance . . . after that, their advice comes as part of a fee charging service:

www.nationaldebtline.co.uk
www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/life/debt.htm
www.cccs.co.uk
www.debtadvicetrust.org
www.communitymoneyadvice.com
www.insolvencyhelpline.co.uk
www.debtadvisersdirect.co.uk/debt-advice/debt-advice.asp
www.gregorypennington.com/debt-help.asp

When You Change, Everything Changes

Filed under:Psychology Tips — posted on @ 3:34 am

It was my first visit back home in over a year. I’d been in Minnesota for college, and returned home just long enough to marry and move to North Carolina.

I returned with a year old baby, the wife of a medical student, struggling to put food on the table, though at that time in life materials things don’t matter much.

This town I returned to, I had hated. Why? Because we had moved every 3 years, and it had been fine until this time, but it was 3 weeks before high school, and what kid would want to start a new high school of 4,000 not knowing a soul? My Dad infuriated me by acting like he’d done me a favor, and I made it clear to him he had ruined my life. We dug into our positions. “Why did you do this to me?” I bellowed. “You ought to appreciate it,” he said, and told me why, but I didn’t listen. “You’ll appreciate it some day,” he said, finding me beyond reason.

What did I hate? The size of the school, having to compete with Ann-Margret (the movie star) if I wanted to sing in the musical, their Chicago accents, and the crowning blow - my advisor dubbed me “Sue” the first day and I never got rid of it. In fact my favorite thing about going off to college was being able to reclaim my name. If I hadn’t sunk into the victim position, I might have been able to reclaim it sooner!

I hated the gray skies and the freezing winter wind, but I hated spring worse. They released us at spring break to wander the streets in wretched weather with dirty snow everywhere. My family never got to go on a cruise like everyone else’s. But I hated the summers worse because it was never hot enough to get a tan. Not a happy camper, I gathered evidence to substantiate my feelings.

Fast forward to my return to this horrible place. Winnetka is one of the affluent suburbs on the North Shore of Chicago. A planned community nestled on the shores of Lake Michigan, with more Frank Lloyd Wright houses than anywhere else in the nation, it is astoundingly beautiful, a place you dream of living.

With my blinders off and my attitude corrected, I saw it from my Dad’s point of view. He worked hard to give us the best he could, and how proud he must’ve been to move us there. In fact I remember it in his walk as he showed me around the first week there. “It’s the best public high school in the nation,” he told me, and the education I received got me into one of the best liberal arts colleges in the nation.

The crime rate was so low we never locked our doors. Everything was a short drive away, and there was always parking. There was everything Chicago has to offer - the art museum where I spent many a Saturday, recently voted best in the nation. Parks within walking distance which they froze in the winter for skating.

As I drove through the village, the sun slanted through the trees on either side of the wide road that arched overhead. “You can’t tell me people don’t think about future generations,” my Dad often said. “Someone planted all those trees who never lived to see them.”

“This is the most beautiful place on earth,” I mused to myself, astounded at my earlier perceptions and attitude. Could this really be that “horrible place”? As a parent, I could only dream of providing such for my own child some day. Most of all I was stunned at what I had missed, in my retelling of this terrible place. Once I had closed my mind, I hadn’t let any fact intrude. I had had plenty of good times there - how could you not - but in the retelling, you wouldn’t have known it.

I went over in my mind what I had then that I had no more - I had taken for granted and devalued a lake in the back yard with boating as well as beauty, nationally acclaimed museums and cultural events, convenience, service people who knew you by name, the best public education possible at the time, nice people, and safety.

I had the inklings of a lesson … how your attitude effects your perceptions and your thoughts affect your emotions. But it took a few more rounds because moving is difficult. You wonder if there will be friends, and all the unknowns.

My husband and I continued the family tradition of moving every 3 years. By the 2nd move it had finally sunk in that there’s beauty everywhere, something to appreciate that you’ll miss like hell when you leave and may never see again in your life, and nice people everywhere. If they call you something you don’t like, you “just say no,” and you get used to the weird accents.

When we left Durham and moved to Cincinnati, I missed the cozy town, the ocean, and the lovely parks, but I gained a cul-de-sac that was like a kibbutz for my only child, great restaurants, and the opportunities of a big city. It was the gloomy snow belt again, but there wasn’t mold in the back of the closets. It’s always a tradeoff.

Back we went to Durham, then on to San Antonio, Texas. When we got to San Antonio, I missed the colorful four seasons, and getting anywhere in 5 minutes, but rejoiced in the sunshine, the plethora of restaurants, and the muliticultural influence. The first tornado warning scared me, and the rattlesnakes, scorpions and tarantulas were unnerving, but I remembered how I’d adjusted to the mold on the back of closets in Durham and the slugs on the back porch, no less unnerving. I was learning to cope with change, and handle transitions.

I realized the things I’d missed, and so learned to approach the next move with optimism, to seek and find and appreciate the good in it, and to enjoy it every day. In fact I’d immediately start a mental list of “things I’m gonna miss a lot one day” to stay focused on the positive, enhance my enjoyment, to bloom where planted.

I should add that my mother complained the entire time she lived in Winnetka, which is no doubt where I learned that attitude. I was lucky to get the lesson in my face so young. Right now I’d love to have had the life she had then, as far as the location was concerned, but of course it wasn’t the place that pained her, it was the pain inside her that made the place unbearable. It was just easier to blame it on the place than to do the work on the pain inside.

You see, moving doesn’t really solve anything if you’re miserable, because you take you with you. It’s cleaning up the place inside you that allows you to find the best wherever you are and find the good wherever you are - and that, of course, it figurative as well as literal.

P.S. I appreciate it, Dad.

Offshore Gaming Keeps Gambling Afficionados Betting

Filed under:Online Bets, Web Of Sports, World Of Gambling — posted on December 29, 2008 @ 9:59 am

A great number of gamers will likely have discovered the phrase “offshore sports betting”, though some aren’t entirely positive what that expresses. An overseas gambling web site fundamentally works external to the rules of a given state on the other hand it can be a web based gambling site which has their file servers inside a country where machine-accessible gaming isn’t at the moment illicit. Succinctly then, it’s best delineated as a sports gambling business functioning extraneous to the national territory of the customer. Online sports wagering world wide web sites are in the main regulated by 3 structures. These are OSGA (the Offshore Gaming Association), the IGC (Interactive Gaming Council) and the Fidelity Trust Gaming Association (the FTGA).

olympic sports bet

The OSGA are an unbiased watchdog office that presently oversees the thriving offshore gaming industry, they endeavor to present sports gaming lovers an avenue to quickly locate acclaimed companies to play games of fortune on, without worry. The OSGA aims to watch over consumer’s rights, and also they do not charge any affiliation costs. The association is a competent not to mention unbiased third party agency that voices unbiased conclusions, advised by your responses, unprejudiced research, conversations, inside prompts and also imparts industry information.

The IGC is a not-for-profit agency. The organization was designed to allow an arena for interested participants to talk about controversies and also to further shared concerns in the world-wide web-based betting industry, in an effort to establish honest not to mention dependable business instructions and habits which aim to raise buyer trust in world wide web based gaming products and benefits, and also to be of service as the overseas gambling industry’s extensive strategy counselor and the IGC also supplies an information base of operations.

The IGC have established a regard for stimulating dependability, stability and believability thanks to the ideals it presents, and in addition its allure for commercial enterprises of ethical practise. The Interactive Gaming Council governs offshore sports gaming by using a specific 10-point code of practise and also charges gaming websites fees for featuring the council’s logo. Frustrated gamers may, if they desire, recount their arguments to the IGC.

The Fidelity Trust Gaming Association was established in an effort to present a standard which will reform the standards of on-line gambling sites. The IGC think that through partnering with good businesses, they are able to develop a union of the most fair and most proficient internet betting operations in the world at large. There are establishments that coordinate the behavior of web based sports gambling and which should function to ease most of the uneasiness due to the apprehension felt by cynics. Computer accessible sports betting sites are now absolutely trustworthy, since personal data aren’t a requirement and also the returns and the betting odds are equivalent to an orthodox Vegas-style sportsbet. These websites wipe out the travel costs, but preserve of a Vegas gambling casino, however now you may bet in your house.

Office Furniture

Filed under:Psychology Tips — posted on December 28, 2008 @ 12:39 am

Furniture. What would we do without it? Sit on the floor most likely. Whoever invented furniture did mankind a great service. And it has so many uses.

For starters, there’s the furniture we use for our work. There are more kinds of furniture for work purposes than we probably need. But then again, maybe we do.

Take your standard desk. Well, maybe not so standard. There are many kinds of desks. Desks with drawers, desks without drawers, which are primarily made simply to keep stuff on. What kind of stuff? All kinds. Printers, computers, fax machines, telephones, and the list goes on and on. Of course desks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There are rectangular desks, square desks, oval or circular desks which are used mostly for those company meetings. There are big desks that can span half a room and small desks that can fit in the corner. Then of course your have your L shaped desks so that you and a co worker can work together without getting in each other’s way.

Of course no office furniture would be complete without chairs. There are plenty of those to choose from as well, some more comfortable than others. You’ve got your hard chairs with absolutely NO padding whatsoever. Basically they’re a couple of legs, hard wooden seat and hard wooden back. Kind of like the chairs your school teacher would put you in and stick you in a corner with when you were bad. But then there are the really NICE office chairs. You know the ones I mean. They have steel tripod supports, leather seat and back, swivel around and so comfortable you could fall asleep in them. Somewhere in between you have your felt foam seat chairs with felt foam backs. They’re not as comfortable but you can sit in them for an 8 hour day.

Then you have your carts. These are mostly used for your Mr. Coffee that sits in the corner of the room so that you can get your caffeine fix when you need it. No office would be complete without a cart of some kind. The good thing about them is that they’re small enough not to get in the way and big enough to do the job.

Then of course there are the filing cabinets. Have you ever seen an office that didn’t have a filing cabinet? These also come in all shapes and sizes. There are the long cabinets usually used for storing irregularly shaped and large documents. Then there are your standard filing cabinets for storing manila folders. Most of these come with special racks inside so you can hang your documents up and not have to worry about them falling all over the place.

Yes, there is a ton of office furniture to choose from and based on the kind of office you have and the kind of decor you want to display to your workers will determine to a great extent what kind of furniture you get.

In the next article we’ll go over furniture for your home.

Michael Russell - EzineArticles Expert Author

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Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to Furniture
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5 PROVEN Tips To Help You Wipeout Your Depression So You Can Live A Happy Life

Filed under:Psychology Tips — posted on December 27, 2008 @ 9:20 pm

Are you lonely?

Did you know that being lonely is a normal part of our everyday lives.

Lets face it, we’ve all been there.

We get depressed when we fail in our exams, when we’re rejected by the person we love, or when someone very close to us passes away.

That’s just part of life.

But, depression, however, can be more fatal than just plain loneliness. It could render Life-Long consequences that could ruin your Self-Esteem, Health, and Well-Being in the process.

Well today is your lucky day because I’m going to share with you some great tips to help you conquer the ‘Melancholy Mood’ so you can get the MOST bliss out of your daily activities.

So, with that said, lets go to Tip #1.

Tip #1. Do you get enough Light and Sunshine?

Did you know that lack of exposure to sunlight is responsible for the secretion of the hormone called Melatonin, which could trigger a dispirited mood and/or a lethargic condition.

Melatonin is only produced in the dark. What it does is it lowers the body temperature and makes you feel sluggish.

So, if you are always cooped up in your room (with the curtains closed), it would be difficult to restrain yourself from staying in bed.

This is the reason why many people suffer from depression much more often in winter than in the other seasons.

It’s simply because the nights are longer.

If you can’t afford to get some sunshine, you can always lighten up your room with brighter lights to help offset the darkness.

Or…

You could go have lunch outside the office for a change and take frequent walks in the early afternoon instead of driving your car over short distances.

The choices are endless. It’s really up to you.

Tip #2. Keep Busy and Get Inspired.

You’ll be more likely to overcome any feeling of depression if you keep your mind busy doing the activities you like doing the most.

Do the things you love.

If you’re a little short on cash, you could engage in simple stuff like taking a leisurely stroll in the park, playing sports, reading books, or engaging in any activity that you have passion for and would love to pursue.

Also, set a Goal.

No matter how difficult or discouraging life can be, remain firm and have an unshakable belief that you are capable of doing anything you desire.

With this kind of positive attitude, you will attain a cheerful disposition to beat the blues.

Tip #3. Take a Break. Sit back and Relax.

I mean it.

Listen to some soothing music you like. Soak in a nice warm bath. Simply take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around doing the things you love.

In other words, go have fun. Life’s to short as it is.

Tip #4. Maintain a healthy diet and Stay Fit.

Avoid foods with lots of Sugar, Caffeine or Alcohol.

Sugar and caffeine may give you a brief moment of energy; but they will later bring about Anxiety, Tension and Internal problems.

Alcohol on the other hand is a depressant. Many people would drink alcohol to simply “forget their problems.”

All they’re doing is aggravating their conditions in the process.

Also, did you know that exercising regularly is a vital depression buster.

Why you ask?

Simply because it allows your body to produce more Endorphins than usual.

Endorphins are sometimes called “the happy chemicals” because of their Stress-Reducing and Happiness-Inducing properties.

Tip #5. Get a Social Life outside of work.

No man is an island. Your inner circle of friends are there to give you moral support.

Spending time and engaging in worthwhile activities with them could give you a very satisfying feeling.

And we all now… nothing feels better than having group support.

And… never underestimate the power of Touch.

What I mean is… doesn’t it feel so good when someone pats you on the back and gives you words of encouragement during your most challenging times?

Hug or embrace someone today.

Get intimate.

Establish close ties with your family and friends.

The love and care expressed by others could tremendously boost your immune system and fend off illnesses.

Best of all, you’ll live a more secured and happy life.

Now go give those 5 Tips a try and see how they pan out for you.

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Get Cheap Cricket Items Online Today

Filed under:Better Shopping, University of Leisure, Web Of Sports — posted on @ 5:57 pm

When you are just about to start to play cricket it’s not always straightforward to tell what you should buy. If you go into a sports equipment retail store & ask them what you need, you will in all probability end up getting a lot of kit that you don’t need. Hence, it is wise to understand what you may require previous to you going shopping. That way you are very much more likely to receive what you demand, instead of what the store owner recommends you require.

Below, is essentially a complete cricket equipment inventory, you do not have to get all the kit on this list, as various organisations will loan you kit particularly at junior level:

Cricket whites, cricket bats, balls, helmets, gloves, batting (wicket keeping) inner gloves, wicket keeping gloves, batting pads, wicket keeping pads, box, chest pad, arm guard, inner thigh pad, cricket boots (bowling boots; batting boots), box (groin guard), stumps and bails.

For most of the cricket events you will ever take part in you will need to have your very own set of whites. Cricket whites contain white cricket trousers & a cricket shirt. Take care that you get a suitable pair of cricket trousers & also a good white cricket shirt and jumper as it can quickly turn cold if you are standing out on the pitch for a significantly long time particularly if you are playing in England (the start and end of the cricket season are the coldest).

If you can not hire gear from your club the other most critical items of equipment are a cricket bat & box. A descent cricket bat is essential if you wish to score heaps of runs & is a very individual piece of cricket equipment, therefore spend several hours choosing your bat, if possible you should go to a sports store & try one out before you buy so you know how it feels to play with. (Once you know what you want you can often procure bats on the Internet significantly cheaper). You need a good box to defend your groin from the ball, as getting hit down below’ is awfully painful, so investing in a good box before you start is a clear must - you can’t bat without one.

Related topics of interest include: Formula One Merchandise & Buy Toys.

Convenience of Gift Cards

Filed under:It's Commerce — posted on @ 2:55 pm

There is so many people in our lives that we care about, Parents, siblings, grand parents, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, co workers, kids and of course your special someone. With them come many special occasions, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduations and many types of special occasions. If they are trying to lose weight make sure that you recommend them Acceletrim the powerful weight loss formula. Sometimes as these date approach and simply getting to the mall to find that special present can be extremely difficult, you really have take in to account what would make them smile, what their size is and many other factors. It can seem like one special occasion just went by, but another is just around the corner. Fortunately for you and me, Gift cards came in to our world not too long ago. They are pretty, convenient and everyone loves them. You love them because they pretty much sell them anywhere and it takes off a huge burden off you. And the receiver loves them because they can pretty much buy anything they want, and not have to put up with something they might already have or simply don’t like and have to go return. As you’re special occasions approaches buy your loved ones Gift cards, they will make your and their lives really a lot easier.

Ask yourself, “So what?”

Filed under:World Of Management — posted on December 26, 2008 @ 3:09 pm

Neil Armstrong made his first moon walk on July 20, 1969, two months before I entered college. I remember that many Americans were euphoric about this accomplishment. There were songs written, celebrations, ticker tape parades, and coins depicting an eagle landing on the moon.

Yet what really stands out in my memory was a poster on a classmate’s dorm-room wall. It looked like the front page of a newspaper’s special edition. The large photo dominating the upper half of the page showed Armstrong in his space suit, visor down, planting the U.S. flag into lunar soil. The banner headline screamed, “So what?”

I think the “So what?” poster was questioning whether the billions poured into the space program were justifiable while people in the U.S. and around the world were still suffering from hunger, poverty, illiteracy, and poor health care. Stewardship was the issue the poster was raising.

Most would agree the space program has been well worth its expense. The many spin-offs are not the only benefit. This great achievement forever transformed our assumptions of what is possible.

We should ask ourselves, “So what?” at the very moment we accomplish anything we are tempted to label “great.” We should do this so habitually that we learn to ask it at the beginning of a project, not just at its end. Is this thing into which I am pouring so much of my time, money, and energy really worth it all? Will it change the world for the better? Will it change me?

The Master asked, “So what?” again and again. He wanted his disciples to count the cost, to inspect the fruit, to look down the broad road and up the narrow road. Many of His parables have to do with Judgment Day. The fire of judgment will burn up all the unworthy pursuits and the fly-by-night goals. What survives will be only what can face such a probing question with solid confidence.

EzineArticles Expert Author Steve Singleton

Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles on subjects of interest to Bible students. He has taught Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses Bible college, university, and adult education programs. He has taught seminars and workshops in 11 states and the Caribbean.

Go to his DeeperStudy.org for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore “The Shallows,” plumb “The Depths,” or use the well-organized “Study Links” for original sources in English translation. Sign up for Steve’s free “DeeperStudy Newsletter.”

Healthy Grief, Unhealthy Grief

Filed under:Psychology Tips — posted on December 25, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

We all know that it is in one’s highest good to grieve the loss of a relationship. Healthy grief releases feelings rather than allowing them to get stuck in the body. Healthy grief allows the griever to heal the loss and move on with life.

Yet grief is not always healing. Many of us have known people who were stuck in their grief, seemingly locked into the past and unable to move forward in their lives.

What is the difference between those who feel their grief and move on and those who get stuck in it? The difference lies in what they believe they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief will feel unending.

Gary had been in a three-year relationship with Samantha when Samantha decided to end the relationship. Gary was devastated. In this relationship, like in his past relationships, Gary was a taker - always trying to get love but unable to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very lonely with him. Gary was devastated when she left because his source of love was gone. He was not grieving the loss of Samantha as a person he loved. He was grieving the loss of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded child rather than as a loving adult.

As a result, Gary became stuck in his grief. He was stuck in feeling like a victim - stuck in “poor me.” Gary had never done the inner work to develop an adult part of himself that could bring love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Because he was abandoning himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for abandoning him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that plagued him, and a constant inner refrain was, “If only I had……” “If only I had listened to her more, maybe she wouldn’t have left.” If only I had told her how beautiful she is, maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

Frank, on the other hand, was in deep grief over the death of his beloved wife, Beth. He had loved Beth with his whole heart and he missed her terribly. Yet Frank’s grief was totally different than Gary’s grief. Frank missed Beth’s laugh. He missed her joy, her caring for people, her sense of wonder. He missed her as a person, and he missed being able to share his love with her. Frank had no regrets because he had not been a taker. He had loved Beth totally and was deeply grateful for the time he had with her. But Frank was actually fine. His grief came in waves, and he cried when it came. Then it washed through and he was fine again.

Frank was fine because Beth had not been the source of his sense of self. Frank had a strong loving inner adult who was connected with a spiritual source of love and wisdom. This was his Source, not Beth. Frank was a person who took full responsibility for his own pain and joy. He had never made Beth responsible for his feelings or his wellbeing.
Because he had never abandoned himself, he could miss Beth and grieve for her without feeling abandoned, lost, victimized and alone.

Gary, on the other hand, was not fine, no matter how much sadness he released, because Samantha had been his Source of love, his Higher Power. He had handed to her the job of defining his sense of self, so when she left, all he could feel was abandoned. Gary had handed his Inner Child - his feeling self - to Samantha. He had made Samantha responsible for his feelings, so when she left, he felt like an abandoned child. His Source of love had gone away.

Because Frank knew how to love himself, he knew how to love others. Within a couple of years, Frank was in another loving relationship.

Gary found another relationship within six months of losing Samantha, and six months after that was again alone. Until Gary decides to learn to take responsibility for his own feelings and needs, he will likely continue to lose relationship after relationship, and continue to be stuck in feeling like a victim of the women in his life.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author, co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.


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