The Dart Maker Blog

The Villa Doria “il Torrione” park is part of the “Grandi Giardini Italiani”. To this group belong also the botanical garden of Villa Taranto, the Miramare Castle’s garden, the Boboli garden, the Ninfa garden and the Quirinale garden.
Here the main events and novelties that the Marquise reserve to their appreciated guests.

The country-house
The manor-house of marquis Doria Lamba in Pinerolo, is an architectural medieval building transformed in neo-classic style at the beginning of XIX century. The romantic wide park was projected by the same architect of the Royal Savoy Family, for the Royal Park in Pollenzo and Racconigi: Xavier Kurten. First owned by Trucchietti Family, then by Counts Canera di Salasco, the fort (the tower dungeon ruins still lyingin the vault), was transformed in the XVII century in an aristocratic country mansion, with wide gardens and rural houses. At the beginning of XIX century the Villa was enlarged by the architects Ignazio Michela and Alessandro Antonelli. In 1856 the marquis Brancaleone Doria Lamba bought the Torrione and now the owner is Oberto Doria Lamba, first-born in dogal ancient genoese family, among them important members like Lamba Doria’s Admiral, in 1298 the winner of Curzola Fight, between Genoeses and Venetians during which Marco Polo the famous traveller was imprisoned.
In the three-floors Villa, you can see the baroque main entrance leading to the alley, and to the large lawn surrounded by secular trees arriving to the lake. At the first floor, the ball-room enriched of a mosaic and polychromatic neo-classic marble flooring.

Ospitality
Close to the Villa different complementary buildings are situated, particularly the ancient ‘Bigataia’ (the place where the silk worms were bred), rebuilt in elegant, modern and fine furnished all comfort suites, offering thanks to the beauty of the natural environment, the possibility to enjoy a bed & breakfast formula or a longer vacation. Room-service is impeccable, by housekeeping staff.
To be guest at the Torrione today, is going back in the past, when the Villa played the rule of an holiday house for friends, where they spent a pleasant ‘vie de chateaux’, in the piedmontese country-side. At present times is not easy to have elsewhere so rich and genuine breakfast, together with tennis court, swimming pool, coach and pair, bicycle ride, walks in the park in an absolute relax and silence.

If you are interested in a cheap hotel in Pinerolo, pls visit our catalogue of Hotels all over Italy, where you can find also a wide range of Bed and Breakfast in Rome and Hotels in Florence, from cheap to luxury, togheter with Hotels all over Tuscany

Grieving for our animal companions is painful and can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unable to even imagine moving forward into life again. There are many reasons why this can happen, and yet, the most important thing is to find ways to decrease inertia and activate the self-healer within.

You and Your Intention are in Charge of Your Healing

You are the only one in charge of your healing. Even though you may be attending a support group, speaking with a counselor or clergy, or getting assistance from your physician or other professionals, the ability to make progress comes from inside. It is by having a clear intention to heal and through making choices that reflect that intention, plus sticking to your action plan, that you will have more success and a grief journey that flows with more ease.

Let’s first speak about intention. By proclaiming out loud, writing down, and sharing your intention with at least one other person, you will open the door to your healing potential.

This may seem simple, and yet it’s not really that straightforward for some folks. I have noticed over the years that there are some people who may say they want to feel better, and yet underneath is a different agenda. They may have a belief that by getting better, that they will lose touch with the deceased. For them, holding onto grief and pain is the only way they think they can stay connected with their loved one and with their life with the loved one. By healing and moving forward, they feel they would be betraying that relationship, almost as if they were saying they were going to be forgetting about the loved one and their times together.

This does not need to be the case at all. Moving forward means you are willing to take the grief, allow it to transform you, and to take steps forward into the new you, and into your new life, bringing with you all the love and memories you hold, and allowing your new life to unfold naturally. It does not mean forgetting and closing the door on the old life. That would be a form of disrespect to yourself and to your loved one. Rather, it means that you agree that you will allow yourself to be changed and molded into a better, more loving version of yourself, and that you will bring forward all the good qualities of your loved one and honor their memory and their gifts to you by making the decision to heal. You become a model of taking the love that existed between you and your animal companion and allowing it, along with the grief process, to shape you and your life into one with more purpose, more compassion, and more focus.

Sound good? All it takes is your decision to make this happen. You are in charge of your life in more ways than you know. To begin this part of the action plan, take a moment each day to do the following:

Standing (you will have a better connection energetically throughout your body, mind, heart and spirit), say out loud (preferably) a statement that is similar to the one below. Healing has as much to do with attitude as with anything else.

“I am committed to healing from this loss and pain, and I am

committed to moving forward and reconnecting with Life.”

Negative Thoughts and Painful Memories

Especially in the earlier part of your grief journey, you will have the tendency to focus on the last days and moments with your loved one. If you were there at the time of death, you will revisit those moments in a series of flashbacks. Plus, if the death appeared uncomfortable or distressed in any way, you will re-experience the feelings you had watching your loved one deteriorate or die. You may see your pet as they were having a seizure, or you may be remembering the look of their body after they died. These pictures and feelings come to you more frequently in the beginning, and will eventually fade. However, some people hold onto these pictures as well in their minds as it is their last ‘real’ (or what seems real to them) connection with the deceased. Sometimes when we are feeling intense pain, we at least feel alive. Many bereaved go in and out of feeling numb, and there can be some gratification derived from feeling the intense grief.

In addition, because grief can be particularly overwhelming initially, it is normal to have thoughts that aren’t ‘positive’ or particularly helpful to your healing. Such thoughts might be, “I can’t handle this,” “This is too much for me,” “I’m going to die from this,” “I want to die,” “I’ll never feel good again without them,” “I won’t ever feel happy again.”

Haven’t you had some of these thoughts after a loved one, animal or human, died? They are normal thoughts and it is also normal to re-experience the more ‘negative’ or distressing moments before the death. So what’s the problem? The problem is getting stuck.

In order to have a better flow in your life, grieving or not, it is important to find ways to balance the energies within. If you are constantly in a state of negative thought patterns, you will be sending direct and clear messages to your inner healer to go take a vacation, that you aren’t interested in feeling better.

However, in order to activate the inner healer, and yet stay true to your human emotions, all you need do is consciously choose to balance the statements, memories and thoughts that could sink you if you give them too much focus towards more positive and life-affirming thoughts and words.

Denying Thoughts and Feelings

Some people think that if they just force themselves to think positively, all the time, and to chase bad memories away, that they can move forward with ease. Unfortunately, the opposite is usually true. What we resist persists!

Instead, what I suggest to clients, and what I choose to practice myself, is a delicate balancing act. I allow myself the thought or feeling, and then I put myself into a position of power by using self-talk that acknowledges my ability to heal.

Let me give you an example. Right before my dog Bits died, I was in the emergency vets office and there were a few moments when she was fighting the oxygen mask and I was trying to keep it on. I believed the oxygen was helping her to be more comfortable in her final minutes, not wanting her to have to struggle for breath. I had just made the decision for euthanasia and was having a few moments alone with Bits before the vet was to return with the needle. After Bits’ 3rd attempt to get the mask off, I released it and within a minute, she died in my arms. She knew better than myself what needed to happen. However, after the fact, and for weeks, I often had that picture in my mind of her fighting the mask, and my attempts to keep it there. Not only was I dealing with the recurring image of her just wanting to die peacefully, but I also was replaying my guilt each time. We’ll get to guilt in a moment.

Acknowledge All Feelings and Thoughts, and Then Balance Them

So, in order to make my journey easier, what I needed to do was this:
When I had the image pop up along with the thoughts and feelings, I simply acknowledged them. “I’m seeing that picture again of Bits right before she died. I’m feeling sad or upset with myself that I didn’t get it right away that she was ready.” That is step one. You must acknowledge what is there, rather than ignoring it or shaming yourself for having those feelings and thoughts.

Secondly, follow this acknowledgement immediately with a balancing thought such as: “These pictures in my mind, and these thoughts and feelings are normal. AND, I am choosing to be gentle with myself right now. I did the best I could at that particular time with the information I had, and I believe that Bits knew that. She holds nothing against me, I’m sure, and wouldn’t want me torturing myself. These thoughts and feelings will pass, so for now, I will remember some of the other times I had with Bits. I know I was a good Mom to her and that she loved and appreciated me. I remember the day I got her…”(you place a good memory here). And then you also tell yourself that you are human, you will have negative thoughts and feelings, but that you are CHOOSING to heal by bringing balance to these experiences.

What To Do About Fear

Fear is normal and needs gentle recognition also. I’ve never met anyone grieving who wasn’t dealing with fear. Sometimes, the fear is very specific, such as the following. One of my clients avoided walking the route in her neighborhood where she used to walk her companion animal. “I can never walk that way again.” She asked me if I thought that would be ok. I replied that it is fine to walk any route she would like; however, the problem lies in how much space is being taken up in her head by her fear. What we fear usually becomes bigger when we don’t face it. It grows, and is a nagging, persistent thorn, even if we manage to keep ourselves distracted and busy. Fear uses up part of our energy reserves and puts a negative drain on our life force.

This particular client took the time she needed initially to walk her other dog on another route. Because she lived in a small subdivision, there really was no other route there to walk. So, she would put her other dog in the car and drive to a nearby neighborhood and walk there instead. At some point, she was willing to look at her fear and see what was there. I had her first write about it, and she even drew a picture of the route. She talked about who lived in what house, which dog belonged to which house, and related a couple of funny things that had happened on their walks there through the years. She cried and released more grief. My client realized that this route held nothing but good memories for her, and that she only avoided it to avoid the memories and her intense feelings. Once she decided to take her dog for a walk there, she discovered that it wasn’t nearly as hard as she had imagined.

With most fear, it is important to face whatever it is, and do it anyway, to walk through it. Obviously, this does not apply to fears that are there to protect us. For example, you may not want to jump off a cliff because you are afraid you will get hurt, even killed by the fall. That is a protective fear and needs to be listened to. You know the difference.

Self Talk as a Tool

When you are in a situation that scares you, and it’s related to your grief and the changes in your life because of the loss, look at what you are saying to yourself. Try saying something like this, “I am afraid that if I walk there, (or go to that particular store, or talk to that vet, or whatever it is that scares you), I won’t be able to control myself.” “It’s normal for me to have this fear and yet I won’t let it paralyze me. I will do this anyway, and I know I will be ok. If necessary, picture angels on either side of your supporting you in this process. Or, you can ask a friend to accompany you. You don’t have to do it alone, just do it.

Forgiveness and Guilt

Forgiveness is a key to moving forward. For anyone grieving, there is usually someone we blame for something. We may think the vet didn’t do something right, and that this contributed to the pet’s death. We may have some anger towards our partner because they didn’t love the animal the way we did. We could be upset about the lack of empathy or compassion from the medical staff. Most often, we hold something against ourselves, as if we are supposed to be perfect and have perfect judgment. We think that, “if only I had done this, that or the other thing, then everything would be different.”

If we hold onto resentments with no avenue for expression, they eat us up and cause problems down the road. Take time to write a letter(s) to as many people as you can think of that you may hold anger or resentment toward, even if it doesn’t have to do with this situation. The letters can be harsh, no forgiveness, just expressing the anger. These letters are not meant to be sent. You are writing them only to get the feelings and thoughts out on paper, to assist the letting go process. Then you can burn or tear them up, releasing the anger to spirit. You might add a prayer to this process, requesting help to release this resentment from your body, mind, heart and spirit.

Later you do the forgiveness statements. You could also write a short letter, repeating the process of release that you did above. Most especially, don’t forget yourself. Forgive yourself for any shortcomings you may feel you have. It’s important how you word these things. Something like, “Even though I don’t approve of what you did or said, I want to release my anger towards you. I let it go and this helps to heal me and to heal this situation.”
Or, “Even though I wish that I had done some things differently, I know I did the best I could at that time, and I forgive myself. I let go of judging myself because this will help me to heal and healing is what will honor the incredible love I have shared in this relationship with (deceased).”

Gratitude Is Essential

Healing happens with more ease and more flow when we take time to expand our gratitude. Take time each day to state the things you are grateful for. This is also a helpful exercise to do when you are having negative or painful memories.

For example, you see a woman in the park with her dog. They are having a game of chase the ball. You stop, shaken, as it brings back memories of doing the same with your dog. Instead of fighting back the tears and the pain, you choose to take a deep breath, allow the tears, and to have the following thoughts, “Seeing that dog running freely makes me miss being able to do that with Chester, and how Chester couldn’t run for a good six months before he died.” Instead of allowing yourself to go into a deep hole of replaying the last six months of Chester’s life, you follow this with, “Being sad is normal and part of my process. Seeing that dog and woman also reminds me of the fun that I had with Chester. I am grateful for all the years we had together, for our ball games and the exercise it gave us. I am grateful that I can still walk without assistance in the fresh air, and enjoy this park. I am grateful there are people like me, and that woman, who appreciate the special bond between humans and animals, and that some day, I can provide a home for another.” Your statements need not be identical; the important thing is to acknowledge, feel, and be grateful.

Gratitude also extends to the pain you are feeling. When you can feel grateful for your grief, and trust that it is transforming you in positive ways, you are well on your way to healing. Even if you don’t fully believe it, try stating this as well, “I am grateful for the lessons this loss and this grief have brought me. I trust they are helping to transform me into the next best version of myself, into someone more aware, more kind and loving, and someone with more purpose and passion for living.” You may not fully believe this, and that’s ok. By choosing to state them, you are more likely to have the positive results you desire because you are signaling your unconscious self what you believe. Our subconscious beliefs inform our actions and what we manifest every day.

Make a Stand To Connect With Life Again

There is a natural process that happens when we grieve, where we contract, or retract from life. We pull back, as we feel the intense emotions, and try to make sense of the changes happening in and around us. We need this time to traverse the difficult initial steps on our grief journey.

Then, there is a point where we must make the choice, do I want to close off to the world, or reconnect? Reconnecting is one of the ways that we can honor the deep love we shared with our animal companion. Most of us know that our loved ones in spirit would not want us to become hermits and close off our hearts and lives.

You also give meaning to your suffering by making the commitment to connect with life and love. This means you are taking a stance to love yourself better, the world around you and are willing to let go of the pain. You will still remember your loved one and honor her without making yourself suffer. S/he wants you to be happy and to give your love to the world.

One of the ways to reconnect is to begin doing some of the things you used to do but may have stopped. You can also try something new! If you have no animal in the home now, think about doing some traveling. Or, perhaps you will take a class at your local community college, just for the heck of it!

Give of Your Heart

Down the road, allow the possibility that you can honor your loved one by making a home for another deserving animal. Even though you may be afraid that you won’t be as loving towards the new companion, it’s ok. You have a heart that is capable of opening and giving, in a different way.

You can also do acts of kindness, either as volunteer work, or just doing random acts of kindness towards people you meet up with. We were put on this earth to be of service to each other, to give of ourselves. Start small if you need to, going out of your way to open doors for people, offering a tissue to a mother with a sticky-handed child, telling the mechanic that hands you your car keys that you’re grateful for his abilities and prompt service. Go ahead and feel the fear about being misjudged, or looking foolish, or whatever it is that holds you back from stepping forward; feel it, and then do it anyway. The rewards are so much greater than holding onto the fear!

Be Aware of Books Falling Into Your Lap

When we are ready to grow, resources are right there for us, if we are looking for them. I have so often found just the right book, or just the right person to help with a situation because I was open to receiving it. Have you ever been in a bookstore and a book either literally fell off the shelf, (and it wasn’t because you were leaning on it), or it caught your eye and when you looked inside, you saw it was just what you were looking for?

We have a lot of help that is invisible. I think it’s spirits of one form or another, a guardian angel, a spirit guide, or a deceased love one guiding us to the right book or person. Be open to this and you will probably get more help than you know what to do with!

Imagine Yourself Happy Again

Along the way, schedule some private, quiet time to shut your eyes, breathe deeply and imagine yourself smiling and laughing. Picture yourself as you would like to be, enjoying life again, perhaps more than you used to! Let yourself feel this in your body. It is by activating your imagination, along with your intention, and the positive steps outlined above, that you produce the desired results.

And remember, you are worth it. Your life is a precious gift, as was the life of your loved one in Spirit, and it is your choice to heal and grow.

Marcia Breitenbach is an author, speaker, musician and therapist who has facilitated pet loss support groups for the Humane Society. Visit her website to get a free soothing and inspirational song at http://www.griefandlosshelpsongletter.com
and http://www.griefandlosshelp.com for more information.

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.

Have you ever done anything so horrible that you would prefer to hide in a dark closet for the rest of your life than have someone find out you did it? Have you ever done something so bad that even remembering what you did causes you to hyperventilate and shake?

I have. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life. I should have done better.

Sometimes I envision myself standing before a judge who wears a long black robe, with my head hanging low in shame. I am holding tightly to a large bulging sack.

The judge with the long black robe says, “Hold your head up to answer me. Who are you?”

I answer him quietly. “I am a mother, a wife, and a teacher.”

“Were you a good mother?” the judge asks. I notice his eyes are staring impatiently into mine.

“No, Your Honor,” I reply, shaking my head sadly. “I was not a good mother.”

The judge says nothing, so I continue.

“I tried my best, but I made too many mistakes. I brought them to show you. They are all in this sack,” I explain, straining to push the sack closer to him so he can see it better.

The judge looks at my sack and mumbles to himself, “Looks like this woman’s got a ton of bricks here.”

Then, he sighs and says, “Hmmmm - How do you plead?”

“Guilty, Your Honor,” I whisper. “Guilty.”

The reality is, however, I carried that huge sack of guilt with me from the moment the officer told me that my teenage daughter, Arlyn, took her life. I found the largest sack I could and opened it. Then, I threw bricks of guilt into it, one by one.

In the sack, I placed bricks for each memory I had of the times I had raised my voice to my children. I placed more bricks in for times I punished them for making childish mistakes.

If only I had been more patient, -

In the sack, I stuffed bricks for each time I was too busy grading papers or washing clothes or talking on the telephone to give my children, the most precious people in my life, my undivided attention.

If only I had kept my priorities straight, -

In this sack also, I added bricks for memories of many times when I had failed to listen to my children with my heart.

If only I had been wiser, -

After Arlyn died, I walked around carrying my sack of guilt; it was a painful reminder that some of my actions could have contributed to the depression that led to her death. I did not pull the trigger that hot August day, but I felt as if I did.

To me, Arlyn’s suicide provided tangible evidence that I had failed in the most important mission of my life - mothering. I deserved to have to spend the rest of my life lugging a heavy sack of bricks around.

This was almost a complete turn-around from the attitude I had before Arlyn’s death. Prior to August 7, 1996, I had confidence in myself; I had achieved the goals I set, so I thought I knew it all. If there’d been a Miss Arrogance pageant, I would have won the crown.

But I was knocked to my knees when Arlyn died, and I would never stand tall again. Any crown on my head was shattered.

After Arlyn died, the world no longer made sense. I doubted every thing I had ever learned, my beliefs, and my values. Most of all, I saw myself as a huge failure in life.

So here I was, trying to muddle through each day, attached to this huge burdensome sack of guilt that I could not and would not put down.

Ughhh! My sack of bricks was so heavy: the bricks representing all the mistakes of my life were so heavy that I’d need the help of a bulldozer to move it, at least.

Most of the bricks in the sack had to do with Arlyn: sins of commission and sins of omission. Arlyn had killed herself, and the guilt I felt was consuming me.

Every day after I woke up, I’d stand at the foot of the huge ugly load and looked up at it. As much as I hated it, I felt connected to it. I sometimes reached out and stroked the bag up and down with one hand, never letting go with the other. It was MINE.

Day after day, I stood there, holding on to my sack full of bricks of guilt. Friends would walk by and shake their heads at me.

“Let go of your guilt, Karyl. It’s not your fault!” they’d say, often shaking their heads in disgust.

“You’re wasting your life,” others would say. “Arlyn would not want you to lug that sack around forever.”

I tuned them out. What Arlyn would want or would not want did not matter. She was not here to speak out.

Sometimes, I’d try to explain how much I needed to hold on to the guilt, but they’d argue louder. So then, I closed my ears and turned away. They could not understand.

And so it was. Life went on for those around me, and I was alone. Except that I had my sack of guilt to keep me company.

But then one day, for no particular reason, I reached into the sack and pulled out one of the bricks. It was dated July 5, 1996. It said: I went to Germany, so I was not here to take care of Arlyn during her last month of life.

I thought about it. If I had been here, would I have noticed that something was wrong with Arlyn?

It’s possible I would have.

At the same time, it’s more probable that I wouldn’t have noticed anything.

Arlyn was a master at deception, it seems; She’d been hiding her pain for years. So what makes me believe that she’d suddenly have changed and become transparent?

My tears began to fall then. I felt warm tears streaming down my cheeks. They were for Arlyn: Arlyn, my gentle little girl who was trapped in her own dark world by something beyond her ability to comprehend.

It hurt so badly to remember. So so badly.

But then, the tears began to fall faster, and they felt even hotter against my face. These tears were different; they for me.

I, too, was trapped in my own dark, lonely world, lugging this heavy load of guilt around. I, too, was trapped by something too complex for me to understand.

Did I really deserve the additional weight of the brick dated July 5, 1996, just because I went to Germany? Was I a terrible mother because I took a vacation that I had dreamed of for years?

In my heart, I knew that I had not neglected Arlyn by going on a vacation. In my heart, I knew that I did not need that extra brick adding weight to the overloaded sack.

But could I bear to toss it out? Would the world fall apart if I removed it from the sack?

I thought a while as I ran my hands over the brick. It felt rough, hard and cold.

Yes, I needed it. No I did not. Yes, I needed it. No I did not. Yes, I needed it. No I did not.

Finally, I placed the brick on the ground beside me, and waited. I heard no loud crashes of thunder; the earth beneath me did not tremble.

I looked up at the sack I?d been lugging. It really didn’t look any different. I tried to push it; it didn’t feel any lighter, but I knew it was. I had lightened the load just a little bit.

I took a step forward, and I felt a gentle breeze brush my cheek. A butterfly flitted by.

Quote for the day:
Guilt is the source of sorrow; ’tis the field, th’ avenging field, that follows us behind with whips and stings. ~ Nicholas Rowe

Karyl Chastain Beal at arlynsmom@cs.com
Mother of Arlyn & Ron
Humble student of life’s lessons lifted up by the wind beneath my wings, Arlyn. January 25, 1978 - August 7, 1996
Writer, teacher, reluctant_traveler
http://suicidememorialwall.com
http://suicidediscussionboard.com

Aryn’s memorial
http://virtual-memorials.com/servlet/ViewMemorials?memid=7461&pageno=1

Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the one thing that we never anticipate can happen after we have experienced death. The truth is however, that whether we like it or not life continues on. The decision that we need to make is whether we wish to move on with life.

It can often help to remember that although our loved ones have left us in this life they are still there watching over us and guiding us through the rest of our lives. They will never stop loving us and will never fully leave us. As long as we need them they will be there.

Taking the first step is always the hardest and this is where sharing your feelings can help, be it sharing with someone close or a stranger or even through writing, expressing how we feel is always the first and hardest step in the recovery from death. I know that I say recovery but let me assure you that you will never fully recover, once you have been touched by death your life changes and you as a person also change. Your outlook on life changes and you finally understand that life is but a pathway to death.

Life will always continue to progress and a new day will always follow night. Even after death, life be it the one thing we wish we could control is just like death itself uncontrollable. Learning to live again is one of the hardest things we face after death but like life it is something that happens. Through writing and expressing what we feel we help to deal with the emotions we are feeling, the grief, the pain, the anger and the loss, all these feeling can be spilled out onto the paper and can help to ease the suffering. These writings just like the ones in this book may in turn help others come to terms with their pain and suffering.

This is an abstract from a new book titled “From Those Death Left Behind”. A book to help promote suicide awareness. This book has been written by a family who have survived suicide and they hope by sharing their inner most thoughts and feelings they can help to educate and promote a greater understanding of the suffering caused by Suicide. This book can be purchased as both a downloadable ebook or a paperback from Lulu.com. http://www.lulu.com/content/120733 All proceeds from this book are to be donated to the various bereavement and suicide organisations worldwide.

Amanda Evans is webmaster for http://www.amandawrites.com a website dedicated to helping others achieve their dreams of becoming writers. You can subscribe to the free monthly newsletter Writers Passion.

A question I’m asked quite frequently of someone seeking psychotherapy is, “How do I find the right psychotherapist for me?” The first thing I recommend is ask around for a referral from family members, friends, and coworkers. It is then I realize there is still a stigma around getting psychological help. Many people just don’t feel comfortable asking people in their own lives. Either they don’t want others to know that they need help; or they’re afraid of making other people uncomfortable if they asked them!

1. Ask people you know for a suggestion. My first suggestion is still to ask around (those who you feel comfortable asking). In the meantime, I guess we have to do more educating about psychological problems so that people do not feel judged when they need help.

2. Check the yellow pages. The yellow pages is still second to word-of-mouth for psychotherapy referrals. Yellow pages advertising usually requires that professionals be licensed to list under certain categories. While going to a licensed professional does not guaranteed a good therapeutic fit, you can make certain assumptions:

This professional has the education and training needed to pass licensure requirements in the State. This professional has ethical standards they must maintain; and if they do not, you have recourse for disciplinary action. This professional probably has to have continuing education in their field to maintain their license. This professional must follow certain professional guidelines in administering treatment to their patients.

Professional categories to look under are:

Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Marriage and Family Therapists, Social Workers, Counselors.

Work Setting Categories are:

Mental Health, Social Service Organizations, Crisis Intervention Centers, Domestic Violence and Women’s Shelters, Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers, Human Service Organizations. These may vary somewhat within your local phone listings, but you get the idea.

The internet is also a source for finding reputable professionals to help you. Just look for the same credentials that you look for from other referral sources.

As a point of clarification, Psychologists have a PhD and do psychotherapy and psychological testing. Psychiatrists are MD’s or DO’s (medical doctors) who have a specialty in Psychiatry. So, they can also be found under Physicians in your yellow pages directory. Psychiatrists can prescribe and manage psychotropic medications, but most do not do psychotherapy.

3. Get a Referral from Another Professional

Other professionals who deal with people in distress, such as Other Therapists, Medical Doctors, Chiropractors, Massage Therapists, Attorneys, Human Resource Offices at Businesses, Teachers and School Psychologists and Counselors, and Police and the Courts all may be appropriate sources for referrals. Some communities also have a referral systems. For example, Physicians Referral, which is a call in service.

What kind of helping professional would work best for me?

Let’s go through some differences in therapists:

Would you feel more comfortable with a man or a woman? Do you think you can connect better with a younger or older therapist? D Do you need to have a professional who accepts your insurance? Do you need a therapist with evening or weekend hours? Do you know that you work better with a certain treatment approach or style? Do you want a therapist who will be supportive for your lifestyle? For example a therapist who is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender affirming.

As a note, sometimes clients believe that they cannot get understanding from a therapist unless the therapist has had the same experiences. For example, “I can’t go to a therapist who has never been married”, or “She can’t understand, she’s never had children, or “He’s advising me, and he’s divorced!” “He’s never lost anyone, how could he know how I feel.”

There is a reason why therapists do not talk about their personal lives, and this is one of them. Psychologists go through extensive training to become professionals in their field. Part of that training often involves the therapist becoming the patient so that they can work through their own personal issues before trying to help others. Just as the medical doctor has not had all illnesses, psychologists haven’t experienced every human experience, but they learn through training and experience.

Now take a look at your situation?

Do you need somebody who specializes in your problem? Unless a therapist lists a particular specialty in their advertising, most therapists are general practitioners and can handle most problems.

Do you need medication? Most often a person doesn’t know if they need medication. In this case,it’s usually best to schedule an appointment with someone other than a psychiatrist. If you need a psychiatrist, you will be referred to one.

Is the problem more an individual issue or a relationships issue? If most of your misery is stemming from your relationship, and your partner is willing, start with a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. These professionals have had additional training and experience that qualifies them specifically for the Marriage and Family Therapist licensure. Again, this doesn’t guarantee they will be good therapists, but it does mean they have met certain requirements in the field.

If you are having sexual difficulties, you might want to seek help from a certified Sex Therapist. I find it is better to seek help from licensed professional who also has experience and training in sexual dysfunction. The field of Sex Therapy is somewhat less regulated than the others mentioned, so you want to make sure this individual is someone who is reputable.

What type of psythotherapy do you feel will be most helpful to you?

This is a question most people do not know how to answer. What types are there? This is why it’s helpful to talk to a friend who has been there.

I am primarily a cognitive therapist, for example, but I wouldn’t expect you to know that. And I don’t list my primary treatment preference in any advertising because I like to be somewhat eclectic in my approach.

I would answer that question when you called in for an appointment if you asked me. Certainly, I would discuss my approach when you came for your first appointment.

If you were suffering from an Anxiety Disorder, I would use a more exclusively cognitive/behavioral approach, if you came in for PTSD, I would add some other treatment modalities specific to that disorder. Marriage Counseling, although cognitive, is treated a little differently than individual therapy. For example, I use more structure, more homework, and am more active with couples. It works better and gets the couple moving toward health more quickly.

What is the average length of treatment?

This probably has the most varied answer of all.

Some have chronic and severe mental illness and need the involvement of a Psychiatrist for medication and a therapist for initial treatment and then followup periodically as changes happen in the condition throughout life.

Some have more difficult acute disorders like a major depressive disorder which may also need medication and weekly therapy until the depression is reduced. Of those who take antidepressant medication, some do remain on medication for years to maintain health. The majority stay on medication for 6 months to 2 years, depending on their particular case.

Eating Disorders and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for example, can be stubborn to treat in that they have impacted at many levels of the clients life. In the most difficult PTSD cases, two to three years of therapy is not uncommon. In the case of eating disorders, it can take longer.

That’s only a small sample of possibilities, it really depends on the client’s response to therapy and their life situation and the resources available to them in the community. For eating disordered people, for example, there are excellent inpatient treatment programs that can be lifesaving, and therapy would be a follow up to that.

Hopefully I have shed some small light on the mysterious world of psychotherapy. These are suggestions for finding a therapist. One of the things I do not address is “the personality factor”. There really is no way to access your comfort level with a therapist until you meet with him or her. Since the first session is usually information gathering, give the new therapist two or three sessions to see if your personalities are compatible for entering into this most important trusting relationship with one another.

Inspect to see if the merchant bank who wants to give you a money loan is right. That’s why now you really need to check into and ascertain if you can have a loan at a effective percent interest rate. A moneylender in Lauderhill Florida or so can have a total completely different actual loan rate for a 17500 dollar deferred payment then a bank in Beaverton Oregon and that makes a immense clear gap in your yearly costs. A lot of the merchant banks wil show you a rate of interest that looks clean but doesn’t feel considerably or so after a period of time.

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At this present you can look into rates quickly at websites and calculate if there are other possible traps you should be aware of. 7.4 percent loan rate may seem so ok but will that be ceaseless after you have to return your bank loan. It makes no difference if you live in Fall River Massachusetts or in Danbury Connecticut a secure online investigation will redeem you often a lot of inconvenience. Be undimmed today to check out if you have a great deal or if you don’t with the bank that offers you a bank loan.

Therapy is a profession that has increased in the awareness of
the general population as we’ve become a culture more focused on
self-care and taking care of our body, mind, and soul more
consistently. There are many professions that fall under the
title of therapy. The most common is that of psychotherapy which
encompasses grief therapy, group therapy, couples therapy,
cognitive therapy, and family therapy. Individuals who offer
services in these types of therapy typically are Counselors,
Social Workers, or Psychologists with graduate degrees. The
primary focus is on helping individuals, couples, and groups
improve their quality of life through gain a better
understanding of their emotional and mental health. Typically,
clients visit with these professionals on a weekly basis and may
meet for a short-term to resolve the immediate need or over a
longer period of time to get to deeper issues limiting someone’s
enjoyment of life. Play therapy is a variant of psychotherapy
that focuses on working with children or those with emotional
trauma. Through the use of play techniques, the therapist aims
to help in resolving whatever issue may be keeping the person
stuck. Techniques here include acting, drawing,
thought-provoking games, taking pictures, storytelling, and
combining different elements like stories and drawing. The
intent is to use these methods as a metaphor for assisting the
child in discovering a truth or understanding about themselves.
Massage therapy and physical therapy are other professions more
focused on the physical health of those who are seeking
proactive or reparative health, respectively. Massage therapy is
usually performed on a weekly basis - or occasionally if in a
resort, salon, or spa area. Physical therapy is a restorative
healing profession, typically affiliated with a hospital or
outpatient clinic. Increased movement, mobility, or a decrease
in pain are the typical objectives of someone seeking physical
therapy. Through the use of various forms of therapy,
individuals can increase their quality of life emotional,
mentally, and physically.

Covert Persuasion Techniques by Alan Tutt bttp://www.KeysToPowerPersuasion.com

Two topics that have attracted a lot of interest ever since I brought the Keys To Power online more than a year ago are hypnotism and covert persuasion techniques. The Keys To Power system itself uses hypnosis for personal conditioning, but doesn’t really get into using hypnosis to influence others. With the Keys To Power, we generally influence the outcome of various situations (including the behavior of others) by directing Power to create the experiences we want. However, this doesn’t stop us from looking into other systems that may make our lives easier, and being able to persuade other people to our way of thinking definitely makes life easier.

I’ve been reading a lot lately about some of the deeper, more obscure aspects of hypnosis. This has been mostly to increase the effectiveness of the Keys To Power techniques and the hypnotic recordings I’ve been creating for our members here. However, the course of this study has put me square in the middle of the covert hypnosis topic, and I must say, it’s extremely fascinating.

I’ve learned that my definition for hypnosis has been profoundly altered. Hypnosis is not always about putting someone into a trance state, but simply a process of communicating with the inner mind. This communication can be performed while the listener is in a completely normal, waking state of consciousness.

In fact, one of the most celebrated leaders in the hypnotic field (Milton Erickson - a name I recognized from earlier studies) used to practice psychological counseling using a radically different form of hypnosis in which the subject never knew they were being hypnotized. Erickson, and his radically different form of hypnosis, became one of the sources for what is now known as NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

NLP is used by many different types of people. Psychologists, personal coaches (such as Anthony Robbins), business people, sales people, parents, and artist all use NLP to help them attain higher levels of personal excellence and to influence others to do the same. The simplest description of what NLP is would be “a system of modeling excellence and setting triggers for recreating that excellence on command”. As you can imagine, this requires a very complex and involved collection of techniques and processes.

Covert hypnosis (or the more socially acceptable term, conversational hypnosis) is about using identifiable language patterns to create a desired response in the listener’s inner mind. Once you know these techniques, it is relatively easy to talk to someone about practically anything and have it be a hypnotic process. For example, you can talk to a casual acquaintance about your job at the factory and end up with that person practically begging you to take them out on a date! On the conscious level, you said nothing that would suggest that they should go out with you, but by the way you phrased things and how you said what you said, their inner mind not only received the implied suggestions, but responded by compelling them to act on those suggestions!

Imagine how much smoother your life will be with these techniques. No more confrontations. No more arguments. The people in your life doing what you want them to do, and not because you are commanding their obedience, but because they feel an inner desire to do these things.

The techniques that I’ve found are not difficult to use. They do take a little practice to perfect, but then again, anything worthwhile takes some practice to get right. Part of the process is simply getting into the right mindset. In classic sales training literature, the concept of the assumptive close comes the closest to the secret of conversational hypnosis. When you assume that the person you’re talking to wants to follow your plan, you are much more likely to use the right phrasing in your speech.

For example, instead of saying “Do you think you might want to do this?”, you’re more likely to say “I’m really glad that you’re going to be doing this.” Instead of saying “Would you like to purchase this?”, you’re more likely to say “Would you like to pay cash, or would using your credit card be easier?” In both cases, the idea that the other person is going to follow through with your plans is assumed and included in the underlying meaning of what you said. In conversational hypnosis, the underlying meaning carries most of the suggestive power.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more concepts that work together to create the irresistible power of conversational hypnosis. I still have some studying to do before I can present a clear picture of the subject, and when I do it will be posted directly to the members’ section of the site. In fact, I can foresee writing a whole book on this subject, especially since there is so much good information that needs to be included to make sure that everyone gets the full benefit.

For non-members, or members who would rather not wait, here are a couple of resources that can teach you much about conversational hypnosis.

Offline:

Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for understanding and influencing people - by Joseph O’Connor & John Seymour. This is a fairly clear explanation of NLP which gives you a solid foundation for the topic. Doesn’t address how to use the information to persuade others, but does talk about some of the basic concepts.

Unlimited Selling Power - by Donald J. Moine & Kenneth L. Lloyd. This book covers how to use conversational hypnosis (at least in broad, general terms) in a sales situation. Doesn’t get into using language patterns to embed suggestive commands, but is a very good resource for getting the client thinking about your product in very positive terms.

Online:

Apply Hypnosis. http://www.keystopower.com/Link/ApplyHypnosis_03.php This website offers one of the best books I’ve seen on language patterns, embedded commands, and using body language to reinforce your hypnotic message. Without a doubt, the best resource available at this time. The author offers 2 options - a regular membership and a gold membership. Both membership will give you access to the central book and some extra bonus books (mostly not worth the effort to read). The gold membership does give you 2 extra books that will help you put the basic information into practice. I highly recommend that you go for the gold membership if you are considering purchasing this resource.

Sexual Key. http://www.keystopower.com/Link/SexualKey_03.php Most men will at one time or another lament “What do women really want?!” This website gives the answer in a form that most men will readily respond to. For men, sex is the carrot on the stick that will lead them to learning how to relate to women on the emotional level, where women live. Yes, there are some conversational hypnosis techniques here, and some very good ideas I haven’t seen elsewhere, but the focus is on giving women what they want and will respond to.

What is Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)?

The World Wide Web is informative, convenient, and fun. There are varying opinions on the subject of Internet addiction. Recent reports indicate that some on-line users are becoming addicted to the Internet in the similar way that others became addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, which resulted in academic failure (1,2), reduced work performance (3) and even marital discord and separation (4). As the Internet increasingly becomes part of our lives, Internet addiction disorder has received much attention. The term Internet Addiction Disorder was coined by psychiatrist Ivan Goldberg. Those who are addicted to Internet may withdraw from social and interpersonal interactions other than those on the Internet. Their family relationships and academic or occupational functioning may deteriorate.

Internet Addiction Disorder: Myth or Reality?

Do some people have problems with spending too much time online? Sure they do. Some people also spend too much time reading, watching television, and working, and ignore family, friendships, and social activities. But do we have TV addiction disorder, book addiction, and work addiction being suggested as legitimate mental disorders in the same category as schizophrenia and depression? While many believe the term addiction should only be applied to cases involving chemical substance (5,6); similar diagnostic criteria have been applied to a number of problem behaviors such as pathological gambling (7,8,9) eating disorders (10, 11), sexual addictions (12), generic technological addictions (13), and video game addiction (14,15,16,17).

Like all other addictions, Internet addiction is a psychophysiological disorder involving tolerance (the same amount of usage elicits less response; increased amounts become necessary to evoke the same amount of pleasure), withdrawal symptoms (especially, tremors, anxiety, and moodiness), affective disturbances (depression, irritability), and interruption of social relationships (a decline or loss, either in quality or quantity). Due to the nature of Internet Addiction Disorder, of all other addictions, it is said to be closest to pathological gambling.

Diagnostic Criteria

A maladaptive pattern of Internet use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring at any time in the same 12-month period, is all that is required to diagnose a person as having Internet Addiction Disorder: (I) tolerance, as defined by either of the following:

(A) A need for markedly increased amounts of time on Internet to achieve satisfaction

(B) Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of time on Internet

(II) Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following (A) The characteristic withdrawal syndrome

(1) Cessation of (or reduction) in Internet use that has been heavy and prolonged.

(2) Two (or more) of the following, developing within several days to a month after Criterion 1:

(a) Psychomotor agitation

(b) Anxiety

(c) Obsessive thinking about what is happening on Internet

(d) Fantasies or dreams about Internet

(e) Voluntary or involuntary typing movements of the fingers

(3) The symptoms in Criterion B cause distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important other area of functioning

(B) Use of Internet or a similar on-line service is engaged in to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms

(III) Internet is often accessed more often or for longer periods of time than was intended

(IV) There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control Internet use

(V) A great deal of time is spent in activities related to Internet use (e.g., buying Internet books, trying out new browsers, researching Internet vendors, organizing files of downloaded materials

(VI) Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of Internet use.

(VII) Internet use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical, social, occupational, or psychological problem that is likely to be caused or exacerbated by Internet use (18) (sleep deprivation, marital difficulties, lateness for early morning appointments, neglect of occupational duties, or feelings of abandonment in significant others).

What Makes the Internet So Addictive?

Given the recent surge in access to information technologies (19), we have a new generation of diverse computer users. Internet itself is not addictive, but, perhaps specific applications play a significant role in the development of Internet abuse. Secondly, internet users report a sense of excitement while using the Internet, which can be paralleled to the “high” experienced when people become addicted to video games (16) or gambling (7). This implies that the level of excitement experienced by the on-line users while engaged in the Internet may be associated with addictive use of the Internet.

Since the aspects of the Internet where people are spending the greatest amount of time online have to do with social interactions, it would appear that socialization is also one of the factors what makes the Internet so “addicting.” Whether it’s via e-mail, a discussion forum, chat, or a game online, people are spending time in exchanging information, support, and chit-chat with other people like themselves (20). On the other hand, the type of application utilized by the on-line user may also be associated with the development of Internet abuse.

Who Are Internet Addicts?

In the first concentrated study of the social and psychological effects of Internet use at home, researchers have found that people who spend even a few hours a week online experience higher levels of depression and loneliness than they would have if they used the computer network less frequently (21). On the other hand if we analyze Internet addiction in terms of behaviour, it is found that most people who think they are addicted are probably suffering from the desire to not to deal with other problems in their lives. Those problems may be a mental disorder (depression, anxiety, etc.), a serious health problem or disability or a relationship problem. It is no different than turning on the TV so you won’t have to talk to your spouse, or going “out with the boys” for a few drinks so you don’t have to spend time at home. Nothing is different except the modality.

An alternative hypothesis has been given by Dr. John M. Grohol (20). It mentions that the behaviors we are observing are phasic. Most people with “Internet addiction,” are likely newcomers to the Internet. They are going through the first stage of acclimating themselves to a new environment — by fully immersing themselves in it. Since this environment is so much larger than anything they have ever seen before, some people get “stuck” in the acclimation (or enchantment) stage for a longer period of time than is typical for acclimating to new technologies, products, or services.

(References are included in part 2 of the article)

For anyone involved in formal learning or continuous development it’s time to learn how to speed read. Here Clive Lewis, Managing Director of Illumine Training, highlights why this technique is so valuable to managers.

Why do we need to speed read?

Don’t we have enough information to absorb at work already? If this is your mindset, then think again. Speed reading (http://www.illumine.co.uk/information-overload.htm) is not about forcing you to work harder. On the contrary, by enabling you to triple your reading speed, it is much more about helping you to handle your time and your workload efficiently. In this article I’m going to address some of the key questions that surround this approach.

How can speed reading help you?

One main driver for speed reading is information overload. Today’s executives are having to take in, absorb and recall more information than ever and most of this data arrives in written form - through minutes, reports, proposals, brochures, texts and emails. Those who recognise that knowledge is the fuel of career success understand that speed reading improves efficiency and provides them with a real edge in a competitive world.

Equally, for those people involved in formal learning or CPD, speed reading provides them with an effective strategy and a set of powerful techniques. Speed reading doesn’t only help students to get through larger quantities of text; it helps with comprehension and recall too.

How does speed reading work?

The essential mechanics of speed reading are these. When asked, most people assume that they read in a smooth left to right motion across the page. However, when we read our eye movements are not smooth at all. Our eyes have to stop at regular intervals in order for us to take in new data and this means that we actually take a series of small jumps as we read across the page. These jumps are known as fixations.

Fixations are the key determinant of our speed reading. If you take a long fixation, reading each line word by word, you will be a slow reader. If you skip back over words or re-read whole paragraphs, as most people do, this will handicap you further. The skills, therefore, are these - to spend less time on each fixation and to learn to take in more words with each fixation.

Two key distinctions

There are two quite separate aspects of speed reading that are helpful to distinguish:

1.Reading better

Speed reading is not only about reading faster, it also helps readers to assess clearly what they are reading. For example, if you are given a report then you might not need to read it all. Speed reading can help you to overview it, to skim it and to scan it. Each of these techniques provides practical ways for you to get at the data you need.

2.Reading faster

The second aspect of this approach is faster reading speed. One extremely useful technique here is to use a guide; such as a pencil, a cursor or even your finger to underline the words as you read. Your guide in this context is your pacesetter and keeps your eyes moving along the line smoothly. People find that this one technique can sometimes double their reading speed.

Beliefs and attitudes

Reading speed is all to do with the way eyes take in information - is that right? When it comes to speed reading, your challenges stem as much from your beliefs as from your physiology. For example, do you believe that you can read more than one word at a time, maintain comprehension when you are reading faster and recall more of what you have read?

These benefits are all within our reach, but they require practise. Changing your behaviour is not just a question of willpower; you need to create a positive attitude towards your subject. If you are in a negative frame of mind, you will find that you absorb very little. If you can engage with interest, enthusiasm and creativity then you can learn fast and recall more.

So should you be learning how to speed read? Is it worth your time? If you are among the 90% of people who feel that they suffering from information overload, the real question to ask is ‘can you afford not to?’

Ref: IT270106